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We all manage first dates relatively well, politely getting to know someone and if we have played our cards right a second date should come in quick succession.  This is really the crunch time and will ensure if you will or will not see each other again, so no pressure on anyone really!  If you follow these top second date tips you really can’t go far wrong.

Here are some key pointers to having a successful second date which will leave them wanting more…

Elect Club’s Top Second Date Tips

1. Being Relaxed is key

No one wants to date someone who is stressed and worried about how they look or what they are saying or not saying. You need to be yourself and not over think things too much about what you are doing right or wrong.  Be natural and don’t try to be something or somebody you are not.  Your date likes you for being you and wants to get to know you better.  One of your top second date tips is to prepare yourself well before the date. Ensure you arrive in plenty of time and are dressed according to what you will be doing on your date.  If you are going straight from work, make sure you get changed and have a fresh look and feel comfortable and look your best. Make sure your phone is switched off or on silent and try not to look at it when you are with your date.

2. Location, Location, Location, venue, venue, venue

Location and venue is key to a 2nd date.  You really don’t want to be sat in a very smart restaurant making small talk, sat miles away from your date, being very polite and wondering which cutlery you should be using.  Choose a location and venue that is fun and not too noisy so you can hear each other.  Try to do something different and light hearted together so you can see what each other is like when you let your hair down.  Our members at Elect Club have been on some great dates including, cocktail making, wine tasting, and walks in lovely locations with a drink en-route, to name but a few.  If food is needed try having a brunch or an afternoon tea, as that is less formal and you can have fun trying something different, even a hot drink and sharing a cake is very romantic! Bowling is a great way to engage and be a bit a big kid at any age.  We have had a number of our members go to cookery classes together for a second date and also if you are in London or a big town try doing something different.  There are some great ideas on Red Letter Days or Virgin Experience days.  In the summer months roof top bars are good and try to work out where all the landmarks are around you.  One of our key second date tips – just ensure you both know exactly where you are meeting and at what time and don’t be late!

3. Communication

Communication is key to anything in life and it couldn’t be more important when dating.  Communicating before the date and building a foundation of trust, fun and comfort so you know more about your date is essential. You should be talking regularly on the phone too, don’t just text or send messages on apps. It is not a good idea to bombard your date with your life story and don’t talk too much about you or your work and whatever you do, don’t try to sell yourself.  Remember to ask questions and be interested in the answers, if you are not and it’s not flowing naturally then it is unlikely you will be having future dates. 

Don’t try too hard, the communication should be easy, light and fun. One thing that lots of people complain about is being inundated with work questions, making it feel more like an interview than a date.  Ensure you are on a date and there is natural flirting and fun in your communication.  At the end of the date make sure you talk about “what next” nothing too heavy, but agree to see each other again if you both get on and make sure you get another date in quick succession. 

Lots of people fail after the second date as they leave too long a gap before they see each other again.  Try to meet up within a few days if you can and take it in turns to find nice dates or agree the next date together.  If you don’t feel you could bear to spend another moment in their company, politely say that you have had a lovely time but you don’t feel you are right together and you want them to meet someone who they would get on better with.  If you are unsure, it’s worth seeing your date one more time and see if there is any tiny spark that can be worked on.  At the end of the day we are not expecting fireworks, but you should be interested and curious to want to know more about them. 

Want to meet someone to spend a second date with? Contact Elect Club to find out how we can help.

survival tips for singles

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Not everyone who is in a Relationship likes Valentine’s Day either! So I have been told by many people, where their “other half” doesn’t believe in celebrating this romantic day but they would like to and therefore it is not made special for them.   Also many people nowadays don’t like all the commercialisation that seems to be associated with this day.  Personally I think that you should show your appreciation for the one you love 365 days of the year and not just on one day, when you feel you have to! Being Single on Valentine’s Day can be really difficult for some singletons, but also for those in relationships too, so here are my top survival tips for singles and those in a relationship for this 14th February. Read more »

new year new you

Posted by & filed under Advice, Dating tips.

New Year’s always brings about an opportunity for change and much needed time for reflection.  We rarely take time out to really think about what we want from life and what we have learned. My advice to all of you is to spend a period of time for you to focus on you and what is important to you, as well as the changes you want to bring in to 2017. Think ‘New Year New You’.

Why Reflection Is So Important

I spent 24 hours away on my own last week to reflect upon the last year and honestly I probably needed another 2-3 days to complete all that I wanted to do, but couldn’t afford the time away from my family.  It did open my heart and mind to what is really important to me and what I fundamentally needed to change and let go of.  It is so important to ditch what is no longer useful and holds us back.  This is never an easy thing to do and even with the experience I have of coaching hundreds of you each year and constantly being coached and mentored myself, this is a tough thing to do.  It was even more important for me to let go of pain from 2016 as having started the year with Cancer, it is one of the biggest wake up calls any of us can get and letting go of the pain and fear it brings is so important.  A New Year affords us so many possibilities and being brave, bold and confident enough to take those first steps can always seem daunting even though we know how necessary it is.

With reflection in mind as we go into January 2017, after what can only be described as the most life changing year in our lifetime, 2016 will go down in history for lots of different and unexplainable reasons.  I hope you can all find time for you this January to nurture the positives in your life and create a solid foundation for you to find love. So, how to achieve a New Year New You?

3 Gifts From Me To You

I always aim to give people the right tools in January to find the right love and attract the right person in your life.  Here are 3 things that I have created that you can take part in or do to change your relationship status, as and when you feel ready to.

  1. Networking and shrugging off the January blues is so important.  Come and join me personally and my selected coaches, to a networking evening with a difference.  On the 10th January we will be holding a New Year, New You soiree, and this year I have decided to change the format to one of drinks networking with thought provoking discussions rather than a seminar.  I want you all to be involved in making your changes and connecting with the people around you who are all looking for the same thing as you.  Love.  Real, unconditional love, and yes it does exist.  In 2016 alone, I personally introduced many couples who are now, engaged, living together and some now married or on track to a lasting and very loving relationship.  I would dearly love to add you to my list for 2017.  Book online on our events page and join us for New Year New You and use the code EARLYBIRD for a discounted place.
  2. My online dating guide, has gone down a storm with so many successful stories coming from people who have followed the easy step by step guide. It is ideal for those who want to try online dating or an App, but don’t know where to start or for those not able to attract the right person and again are not sure why or what is holding them back.  The guide is a practical coaching book that takes you through all the steps you need to create the right profile, choose the best photo and making all important contact with someone online.  Online dating doesn’t work for many because they go about it the wrong way.  This guide really gives you the best chance of finding love online, download your copy here.
  3. If you are serious about finding “the one” and want the expertise and benefits of a professional Matchmaker, then we work with members until they find true love. With a success rate of 90% in 2016 and 20+ years’ experience under our belts we know what is needed to ensure you find the right person for you.  If you want to find out how and if Matchmaking is right for you and understand how it works, then do get in touch.  We are offering free initial 20 minute telephone consultations in January to see how we can help you.  Book you place by emailing michelle@electclub.co.uk and putting 20 min consultation in the subject box.   It will be our pleasure to see how we can support your journey to love.

Finally, we all wish you a wonderful 2017 and a year filled with love, happiness and above all good health so you can enjoy being in love. 

With much love

Geneviève X

winter date ideas

Posted by & filed under Dating tips.

Our top 8 winter date ideas for the Christmas and Winter Season in London.

Winter dates seem to have a bit of magic in the air, maybe it’s the fact that Christmas is around the corner and everyone wants to be loved up, buying a present for someone special or maybe the cold nights bring more cuddling up.  Whatever the reason it’s a great time to get out and go on some great dates and make the most of the season. To help we have put together our top 6 winter date ideas for making the most of what London has to offer at this magical time of year.

  1. We love, love, love, Winter Wonderland in the heart of Hyde Park as one of our favourite date destinations for the last 10 years.  As this is their 10th Anniversary we are sure there will be extra special things on offer too. This is not only a very romantic setting for winter date idea, but has events and attractions for everyone to enjoy and suits all tastes. There are attractions, fairground rides, amazing shows and also great places to eat and drink.  We love the fact that they even have a winter date itinerary planned out, see here for more details. Open from 10am until 10pm every day from the 18th November until the 2nd January. It is advisable to book online at hydeparkwinterwonderland.com.
  2. Ice Skating at Somerset House is a very romantic thing to do and what a backdrop to get all romantic too! Book early to avoid disappointment.  We love the fact that you can skate during the day or night here and you couldn’t have a better location with great food and drink on offer this is a great date choice. See somersethouse.org.uk for more information.
  3. River Cruises or Meals by the Thames. BRRRRRRR we know it’s cold and we know you think we must be mad suggesting this as one of our winter date ideas but we have had events on the River in the winter and with all the lights it’s been magical.  There are floating restaurants, bars and clubs that are on Thames that are stationary and some that depart at certain times every night and not only let you have great food, drink and ambiance but also let you see the sights.  You will never be short of conversation on this date and you can enjoy being tour guides!
  4. Southbank, there is always something going on along the Southbank!  Great pop up food, fabulous free street entertainment and of course the attractions including the London Eye.  Why not mooch around Borough Market and grab some great food or a drink in one of the trendy bars that surround this well-known market thanks to Bridget Jones.  Great backdrop for a few festive selfies along the South Bank too!
  5. Little Feast is a street food festival in an English Garden themed setting in the heart of Shepherds Bush Market.  Guests can enjoy the magic of Christmas outdoors with great street food and heated seats with blankets to cosy up together under the fairy lights.   This venue is open from the 23rd November until the 23rd December.  See Shepherds bush yard, www.wefeast.co.uk for more information.
  6. The Gardening Society’s Festive forest on the 5th floor of John Lewis in Oxford Street.  Our old friends from Mac and Wild are offering guests private lodges and a fabulous dining experience as well as masterclasses taking place giving guests the opportunity to sample some fabulous fine Whisky.  You can get cosy in a lodge or enjoy the main area.  It is advisable to book early as this one we know will be a sell out with their award winning Veni-Moo Beef and Venison Burgers. To book contact info@macandwild.com
  7. Vauxhall Winter Village.  One on our list of winter date ideas is this new venue in trendy Vauxhall.  It is open from 10 November until  mid-January from 11.30am until 10pm.  This funky pop up has been created in the Ski lodge theme and even has a Cable car photo booth and fondue stands and fish and chips. This is one venue that won’t break the bank and has lots of things to see and do as well as eat and drink.  You can even go as far and booking your own alpine cabin booths!  There is a Winter Sports Bar, where you can watch the latest winter sports/ice hockey for those that wish to and a festive bandstand. One that is a must do this Christmas time on our list!
  8. Afternoon Tea has always been one our favourite winter date ideas and in the colder months the backdrop with a roaring fire makes it extra magical.  Find a venue that suits your budget and afternoon tea doesn’t have to be expensive or you can go all out, dress up and treat someone to Tea at the Ritz, Savoy, Fortnum and Mason, Claridges or even the Dorchester.  Our favourite venue for afternoon tea is Sketch in the West End.  We do love our afternoon teas!

first date etiquette

Posted by & filed under Dating tips.

First Dates are always nerve wracking and some people love them or hate them, a bit like marmite. We are always being asked to give date advice and top tips so we thought it about time we tackled the issue of first date etiquette. Here are some essential skills to mastering the art of first dates…

Sky’s Love Talk Show

Recently I was asked to go on Sky’s Love Talk show to give my advice to viewers on first date etiquette. You can see what I said in the following video and also find some essential key points below. Take note, relax and get prepared!

Preparation

There are some really simple steps you can follow to turn a good first date into a great one.

  1. Speak to each other at least 24 hours before you are meeting so you are comfortable hearing each other’s voice.  Confirm where you are meeting and at what time.
  2. Preparation is key, so ensure you have plenty of time to get ready and ideally don’t go straight from work. This allows you to relax and feel good.
  3. Wear clothes that you are comfortable in and make you feel confident.
  4. Smell nice. A little bit of perfume or aftershave is a must.
  5. Brush teeth. Oral hygiene is key.

First Date Etiquette

  1. Smile, everyone likes a smile and a smile says so much more than words.
  2. Don’t eat food, just have a drink, keep it simple, go for a walk, and somewhere you can talk to get to know each other better.
  3. Don’t get drunk on the date or drink before the date.
  4. Be your natural self and don’t pretend to be someone you are not or make out that you are someone else. Relax and be you.
  5. Keep your mobile phone switched off.
  6. Don’t talk about ex-partners or any past relationship disasters or even great past relationships. You are there to know about each other and get to know the date you are on.
  7. Talk about holidays, your hobbies, interests, food, funny things you have done, keep it light and fun.
  8. Avoid talking too much about work or questioning your date about work,  you don’t want it turning into an interview or business meeting.
  9. Ask questions of each other, nothing too deep and meaningful unless you are both in that space, but be curious and ask questions of your dates life, interests and fun things that they like and things that they really don’t like.  Find similarities and share stories with each other so you are comfortable with each other.
  10. Be polite and courteous to each other, Guys remember chivalry it goes a long way.
  11. Girls say thank you if the guy buys you drinks.
  12. If you go in for the kiss on a date, don’t wait until the end of the date, if there is a moment that seems appropriate then just test the water with a light fun flirty kiss and take it from there.

What next

  1. If you like the person you are on a date with say so! Tell them you have had a nice time and want to see them again.
  2. If it hasn’t gone well, be polite and say that you feel it wouldn’t be right to see them again. It’s best to be friends.

Well, we hope you have some good tips to make you feel more comfortable, but essentially be yourself and have fun!

For more information on joining Elect Club or attending our events across London and the UK just use our contact form or call 020 3714 5375.

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Manchester always seem to miss out with Halloween when it comes to singles, whereas London is saturated with parties spanning 10 days over this period.

 

halloween-manchester

As one of the first to bring single parties to the market over 20 years ago our CEO, Genevieve Zawada is taking her renowned Halloween Night up North to show them how it’s done.

We are really excited to bring our fun and flirty Halloween night to Manchester and have found a great venue in the Northern Quarter ready to welcome our party goers.

Halloween is the one time of the year that singles really can let their hair down and party hard in disguise and it is also known as one of the nights that many meet their ideal match.  Perhaps it’s the magic of dressing up that makes everyone just that little bit more flirty and fun…

If you fancy a party with a Halloween twist and fancy meeting someone special in the North of the country then this night is not one to be missed.

Posted by & filed under Advice, Dating tips.

Genevieve was invited as a guest onto a Different Kind of Woman where she was talking about life as a matchmaker and age gap relationships, do they work or don’t they? 

Her tips and dating advice was really well received and there is some interesting insight into life as a matchmaker.

Interested in London matchmaking? Find out more about what Elect Club can do for you.

how to be more attractive to women

Posted by & filed under Advice, Dating tips.

Sometimes we just don’t know where we go wrong when it comes to dating.  In our quick guide we cover the main areas on how to be more attractive to women in 5 simple steps.

 

  1. Personal Hygiene. Personal Hygiene is super important to most Women and it sounds so simple but all too often guys go on first dates straight from work without having had a shower or changing clothes.  This is one of the top complaints we get from the ladies is that the men don’t come on a date smelling fresh.  Remember to wear deodorant and if you can go to have a shower before a date then even better.  At lease change out of work wear, clean your teeth and put on some aftershave.  Trust us the girls really notice it and don’t forget to iron a shirt if you are wearing one.  Dress appropriately for a date too, refrain from wearing your favourite T-Shirt.  Ladies always tend to make an effort so it will look odd if you are dressed inappropriately for the date.
  2. Be Interested. Ask questions about the lady you are out with and be interested in the answers. Don’t question her as if you were interviewing her or if it is a business meeting.  Try to steer clear from talking too much about work. Girls complain about this all the time so it is something you guys need to practice and have good interesting questions that can lead the conversation well.  For example, where has been your favourite destination for a holiday and why or what scares you most?  These are interesting questions and can lead to some relaxed conversation. So, want to know how to be more attractive to women? With a few interesting questions lined up beforehand this really is one of the easiest ways to do it!
  3. Communication is key.  Figuring out how to be more attractive to women isn’t always about looking smart and showing good manners. Text, call and message appropriately. Remember to phone and speak as this is so important when making a lady feel secure. If you are trying to win her heart, then communicate everyday with her and keep things light.  One thing that puts nice girls off is naughty photos, especially if you have never met them.  Guys you may think sexting means sending pics but us girls would rather see a nice smile than anything else.  Keep the element of surprise for when you are both ready to take that next step.  Make her feel special with nice words and gestures rather than naughty images.  Most women would be turned off and run a mile or just use you for sex!
  4. Make time for her.  You may have a diary crammed with work and social appointments but you will never win over this lovely lady if you can’t spend time with her and I’m not talking a few hours a week but proper time.  See each other at least 2 -3 times a week to start off with so you get to know her well and understand what she likes and dislikes.  Do nice and different things together. Try to choose dates that please you both, for example go out for brunch so if things go well you can spend the whole day together.  Afternoon Tea is a lovely date too and can be good fun.  Try to do some activity that you will both enjoy for example visit a zoo or a lovely historical place or garden.  The National Trust has places all over the UK that are open all year and it gives you something to talk about.  You can even try a cookery class or salsa classes together.  Find out what ticks both your boxes or even try something neither of you have done before.  There are plenty of things to do to suit all budgets and appetites.
  5. Make her feel secure and special.  Don’t talk about ex’s or other conquests as it makes a girl feel as if she is being compared.  Complement her on things that please you, don’t say things for the sake of it but if she looks good or you love her smile or eyes then tell her in a nice way.  Chivalry goes along way too, so hold open doors and wait for her to sit down before you do, event better hold her chair open or take her coat. Ladies love a man to be a man and be confident and capable and showing her you value her with a bit of chivalry always scores extra brownie points.  Above all relax, be yourself and natural and enjoy getting to know her.

So that’s it, Elect Club’s top tips on how to be more attractive to women. Have you got any more tips we have missed? Let us know!

why am i still single

Posted by & filed under Advice.

Why am I still single? This is a question many singles struggle with and something I personally used to ask myself time and time again over several years. Especially after comments like:

“I can’t believe your single!”

“don’t lie, you must have someone tucked away.”

” I bet you have them lining up at your door step”

Whether it’s pity, disbelief or care they are showing; it’s awkward. Its awkward because it causes that same niggling question to surface again… “is there something wrong with me?”  To busy to read? Download it on itunes:  https://itunes.apple.com/bo/podcast/love-talk-with-nicola-beer/id1080909295?l=en

The first thing is to recognise that you are amazing regardless of your status.  You don’t need someone else to validate this

 

Want to know why so many people struggle with finding incredible relationships?

 No… it’s not because there aren’t any good women or men left out there,

or because they are in the wrong city, profession, or wrong time in their life.

And it’s definitely not because the kind of love and relationship they want doesn’t exist.

The 3 main reasons people struggle is because:

 1, They’re ambivalent. That is they say they want a relationship, yet are secretly happy to be single.    This was me for years, I could write a book on this alone:)  

2, Limiting Beliefs – They don’t believe this is possible for them (especially after a divorce or a long dry spell)

3, They haven’t understood that finding love is about being both persistent and patient

I will now explain more about each of these and some tips to set yourself up to win at the end.

So, why am I still single?!

1, AMBIVALENCE

Ambivalence can be hard to spot, it takes a GREAT deal of self-awareness. An ambivalent person may say they want a relationship (and mean it), they may go on numerous dates, try an online dating site, yet either consciously or unconsciously they wonder

  • Why am I still single?
  • Am I better off single?
  • Will it limit my career?
  • Will I be miserable?
  • Will I compromise too much?
  • Will I be too vulnerable?
  • Will I lose my freedom?
  • Is love even worth it?

Ambivalent relationship seekers want Love BUT only if that ALSO means they can

  • Avoid pain
  • Hold on to their lifestyle
  • Keep their freedom
  • Achieve their career goals
  • Not spend any extra money
  • Stay in control

 

It’s where you do want romance and love and yet value something else equally or more. As the values compete, they sabotage anything that get’s in the way – like a relationship.

 I would set up dates, then either cancel them or when they got cancelled would be secretly happy because that would mean I can get on with “my stuff” other stuff that I loved to do.

Coaching many individuals through this I often find the same competing values, it’s either business, career, athletic goals and lifestyle habits.

Those that are aware of their own patterns, make statements like

  •  I’ve met some great men / women, but maybe I can do better.
  • I’m ready to commit, but I’m not willing to stop doing…
  • I want to be married, but I’m terrified of it going wrong again
  • I’m concerned that the sacrifices won’t be worth it

 

When ambivalence is unconscious it can be even more difficult to spot it’s sabotaging ways

If you find yourself:

  •  Ending relationships before they even had a chance to flourish
  • Using your career, business or children as an excuse to not be more involved
  • Going to great lengths to protect your freedom

 

There is a chance you are ambivalent and are unintentionally ruining your chances. Awareness is the first step in change, so congratulate yourself for being aware. Now let’s look at the second thing that gets in many singles way Limiting Beliefs.

2, LIMITING BELIEFS

If you whole-heartedly want a relationship and haven’t had much success, it can often be down to your beliefs.

Our beliefs create our reality. If you believe that you will never find the right person or that you’re too old, fat, tall, short, poor, successful, out-going, quiet, busy….(or any other excuse you tell yourself) then that can become your reality. Many women and men after divorce think that they will never find love again.

Becoming aware of our Unconscious Beliefs and changing them is key to finding someone, it’s an area I address in all my coaching. The deeper rooted they are, the more they will interfere with our conscious desire for love and connection.

The power of this is summed up beautifully by Mahatma Gandhi:

“A human being is but the product of his thoughts what he thinks, he becomes.”

“Your beliefs become your thoughts
Your thoughts become your words
Your words become your actions
Your actions become your habits
Your habits become your values
Your values become your destiny”

A lady I worked with was struggling constantly with the ‘why am I still single?” question. She had the belief that “all men will leave you for younger women eventually” and had that experience 3 times. Several men in my program believe all women want is money from them and they seem to attract that. Other women believe men only want one thing and get that experience. What we believe becomes our reality, so we need to know what our beliefs around relationships are.

If you think limiting beliefs are ruining your chances, get in touch and let’s discuss how to break the cycle. 

3, LACK OF PERSISTENCE AND/ OR PATIENCE

The way to successfully achieve any goal, be it financial, career or physical is to

1, Know exactly what you want

2, Take consistent action to get there

3, Be in a state of desiring NOT Needing it

Finding a relationship is no different! Yet very few singles are willing to keep going when they experience a disappointment or don’t get results in a few weeks or months. What happens is they give up.

Finding love requires a balance of patience, persistence

Patience without persistence is often laziness, procrastination or ambivalence

Persistence without patience can easily lead to desperation, panic, anxiety, despair and neediness. Whenever we get to a point of needing something we push it away.

The right combination of persistence and patience leads to results, especially when you also set yourself up to win.

 SETTING YOURSELF UP TO WIN

Below is a checklist of questions to help you on the path to finding love, the more you can answer yes the better, if no… think about you answer.

Do you know the type of person you want and don’t want?

Are you clear on the lifestyle you want to have and share together?

Have you got a strategy to increase your chances for meeting them?

Do you feel confident in yourself and can you act confidently without over doing it?

Have you got a list of interesting topic areas ready to talk about for the first few dates? That don’t include work, ex’s or domestic duties?

Online dating – Do you know the best to be on for you? Are you familiar with the do’s and don’ts?

Are you prepared emotionally for dating?

Match making firms – have you researched and selected a reputable one?.

Summary

The search for love doesn’t have to be a struggle. If you sincerely want an intimate partner, you are already beyond the toughest hurdle. But if you aren’t’ altogether certain, then you need to take a close look at the issue of ambivalence and how to move beyond it this, this is what I had to do…. Through eliminating inner conflicts and having a solid strategy for getting there, you will be well on your way to finding love. Many find hiring a relationship expert or match making company can help them get there faster. Whichever path you choose meeting someone special can enrich your life and make your fondest dreams come true, so don’t give up.

From my heart to yours Nicola

P.S. Are you struggling constantly with the ‘why am I still single?” question? Selecting a life partner is one of, if not the most important decision you will ever make in your life. Which is why I have created a finding an irresistible partner program. One part includes coaching and the other part includes collaboration with a top UK match making company. That have a strong track record matching men and women from the US and Europe. If you would like to learn more message me and let’s schedule a complimentary 20 minute call to discuss. Add me using my email address or email me directly nicola@purepeacecoaching.com